Today we were in the woods, our whole pack. Fortunately, where my humans live, there is still some forest.

We animals love it there. And we’re sorry to see more and more what you’re doing to our planet. We think you humans haven’t succeeded to nature. You’re like from that fairytale tale about Otesánek (a Czech fairytale in which a little boy carved from a piece of wood ate his father and mother). You must have so many things that one day you will also eat our Mother Earth.

And then you perish. We will have no humans. We will be sad at first. But then we will get used to it and live again like wolves. And we will teach our children and their children to take only what they need from nature. Otherwise, we would end up like those two-legged creatures who once stayed with us and took care of us.

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I’ve had a lot of adventures lately. But I can’t force my lazy he-human to type my experiences and publish them on the Internet. My humans are busy, because they have their human puppies at the babahotel.

I have to explain to my foreign friends what a babahotel is. That is, when the grandchildren come to the grandmother to take a break from their hard duties, and my humans are their maids, butlers, cooks, entertainers, and purchasing managers.

My he-human explained to me that something like tiny animals proliferated at school, so the children can’t go there. I don’t know why this is such a problem. We dogs, if we have fleas, they will drop something on our necks and that’s it. But I’m really glad they closed the school instead of dripping something on their necks. Because they could come to us and I have a really big pack.

And now let me tell you something you won’t want to believe: they wanted to feed me beetles! My he-human ordered insect granules from a famous dog food manufacturer. He said that it is very ecological, because it is not entirely right if other animals to die for our pets. Beetles are also animals, but because they are small, you can to turn a blind eye to it.

Even as he carried the bowl, I sensed a snag. He looked as if she-human is about to unwrap his Christmas present. However, I show myself clearly and concisely: not by any chance! Am I a spider to eat insects? I licked the pate, didn’t even touch the pellets, and then pushed the bowl noisily across the dining room to express what I thought of his experiments.

Luckily we have a she-human. The she-humans, unlike somebody(!), have common sense and I do not understand what the he-humans would do without them. I heard her tell he-human she would never understand what was still fooling around with those granules. And that if he bought shares instead of granules that I would never eat anyway, then we are already millionaires.

People tend to have a special washing room in their homes. There are holes of various sizes in it and water flows into them. In the smallest of them, ma humans wash their hands. Sometimes they push me into the bigger one when we come from outside and they pour water on me. For some reason, my she human doesn’t like mud in the living room. My great-grandmother wolf bathed only when she had to cross the river exceptionally while hunting. No wonder the virus is rampant among people when they’re kind of prissy and still washing themselves. If they rolled in the mud from time to time and kept it up to bed, they would certainly be more resilient.

My humans go into the largest hole with water. And sometimes even both of them at once. They will take a bottle of red drink and olives there. They sit up to their necks in the water, drinking and chatting. It is a rare opportunity to hear my he human. Because he usually talks only after a glass of that red drink. First, I lean my front paws against the edge of the tub to see how my humans soak is in the water. But after a while there is nothing interesting for me, so I lie down on the ground and listen.

People think we don’t understand their language. But they are very wrong. We don’t have to understand words because we read thoughts directly. Well, there I heard something outrageous on the floor in the bathroom: the owners will get a puppy! What do they think!? Will he take up half of my lair? And will he eat half of my bowl? And will he take half of my humans? I didn’t have anyone in the puppy mill and now I have two humans just for myself. I will not share them with any small pamper. I will not !!!

If I were human, I would be terribly jealous. I would look crooked. And I would pretend to be sick. I would evoke terrible feelings of guilt in them. And maybe I’d pack my luggage and, screaming at the whole house, sobbing that I am leaving to my mother’s. Or to Rex, whom I know from the park, and who, unlike someone, can appreciate my qualities.

Fortunately, I’m not human. So I will just say to the little guy who’s the master here. And it will actually be nice, because we will play a lot together and perform tricks on our humans together. In fact, I’m already looking forward to him.